| By Sushilove51 | Photo by Red Angelo |
“Itaidoshin” is a Japanese proverb that means “different body, same mind”.
I understand the message as similar to a well-known American saying, “birds of a feather”. We all know how natural it feels to connect with a person whom you experience “Itaidoshin”.
I write this to talk about a co-worker of mine. In the short amount of time we’ve known each other. We’ve already became like brothers. I guess it naturally came to be because life has molded our personalities the same way. Both grown up on the West Coast. Both joining the same branch of the military. The list goes on. Gym Rats, Hot sauce connoisseurs. Add to that we have the same sense of humor. A factor that alone can bring people closer than super glue. It’s the dry cement of relationships.
With all this been said.
There is an area in our lives where we are completely-different. And that is our relationship with women. I’m into the long haul where I have the pleasure of being with the same woman I’ve built a trust with. Most say they’d get bored but I enjoy the fruit from our years together. Everything from those magical moments we shared in the middle of nowhere to those hardships that made us wonder if our love would die.
He on the other hand, plays the field, and has a girl in prefectures all over the country. At work he makes the shift pass smoothly by sharing his experiences and telling me where he meets them. One of those being Tinder. I know this is pretty popular among singles but I’ve never had to deal with this. Having been in a long term relationship for so long I never considered it.
He explained to me that the process is simple to start. You create a profile, Post a picture and your ready to go. Look at other profiles, Once you see a profile that attracts you. You swipe right. If it doesn’t attract you then you swipe left. He even said that he’s found some people to practice Japanese with it. This part intrigued me the most. It wasn’t all about hooking up or finding love. Some people just wanted to find groups and hang out with people who had the same interest.
This sparked the writer/journalist inside me. I wanted to explore and know how all of this works. I wanted to document it. So I did. I of course, gave myself some rules. Like not meeting up with them. And keep the conversation light and not try to lead anyone on. I was faithful to the relationship I was in. And this is how it went over the course of Four days.
I created a profile with honest information. I didn’t make a catfish account. I wanted to use my real name, photos, purpose, and hobbies. To get the real experience. And I made up my mind to keep it just over text. I wasn’t going to meet anyone. Also, my profile had an emphasis that my goal was to learn the Japanese language better.
The first day. I learned that your given 50 swipes to choose which profiles you like. I used ten the first day. After about a couple of hours. I didn’t get anyone who matched with me. I wondered if the profile needed more touch so I googled tips on how to make it better.
-More than one picture or people think it’s fake.
-crisp, clear, bio
I wanted to know if people where alerted all the time. But the rules are that once you swipe or are swiped. You are given 24 hours for them to swipe you back in order for the two of you to match. The first night I didn’t get anything.
But, I got a little message that said someone had liked my profile. But it said that I had to subscribe to Tinder Gold so I could see who did it. It cost about five dollars a month. To me this sounded like a trick to get you to subscribe. I’m not coming from a place of desperation and I wasn’t going to behave that way. Investing any amount of money was a no-go. I also read an article that said if you aren’t getting matches with the free account what’s the point of paying just to get extra swipes.
I woke up that morning. Opened up the Tinder App and noticed that I finally got two matches.
A whole entire day?I know I could go to a shopping mall or the beach and get a match quicker than that.
Well anyways, Back to the matches. Logistically speaking one lady was pretty far from me. And the other was almost in the same neighborhood. I wrote to both of them the same message.
“Hajimemashite” which translates to “Nice to meet you”
One of them messaged me within a couple hours. We began to text and I found out she was a traveler from Taiwan looking for locals in the area that wanted to explore the city or could show her around. I told her that I wouldn’t be available for a couple of weeks. But, I guess she didn’t read my bio about only wanting to study Japanese.
The other person was younger 19. She was more interested in someone speaking English to her. Although, I think she quickly lost interest. After a few texts back and forth. She didn’t message me until the fourth day. But, I understand how it is at that age. Having a low attention span and being on this app. She may have had her time divided with a lot of other users. I, on the other hand began to realize that I may not be good for this. I don’t know if I had the luxury of having so much time to waste.
I swiped a couple more times that night.
The next day. I had two more matches. One of them I matched up was a “super-like” option. I guess it makes them stand out. Because it wasn’t an ordinary swipe. They wanted to let you know that they really liked what they saw.
The traveler from Taiwan messaged me and said she was no longer in the area. Later that night it said her location was thousands of Kilometers away. So she was on her own adventure. The other girl didn’t respond yet.
The two new matches were pretty interesting to say the very least. The first one was 25. The one who super liked me. If she looked like she did in the profile picture. She was beautiful and I texted her the standard “Nice to meet you” But I didn’t hear from her immediately.
The other profile was very weird. Everything was in Japanese but I used google translate to understand what the profile said. It was a Pirukura style. (A Japanese photo booth where they make the people look like Anime characters.) There were two girls standing side by side. And message said this.
“This is a double account. The girl on the left and the girl on the right.
We don’t have time to message back.
But, on our free time. The girl on the left or the girl on the right will meet you where you are.”
*If that wasn’t the scariest messaged I’ve seen*
Later in the day, I had another match. Now this made me realize for sure that I wasn’t made for this. I have too much going on in my life to add Tinder in. It’s almost like another chore having to stop what I’m doing with work, my college classes, my lady, my gym time, going out with friends, to have to converse with a stranger every now and then. It takes me out of my rhythm. And I had to re-calibrate over and over again.
The photo you see up above is from the fourth day. I had four more matches and it said 3+ people have liked your profile. But, it hadn’t shown there profile yet. After all this I’ve yet to meet someone who wanted to practice Japanese with me. The girl who super liked me messaged me and with an exclamation point said nice to meet me as well. The girl from Day two who didn’t message me finally responded. But said something simple like “How Nice”. I forgot what that conversation was about. I don’t think I’m going to message the recent matches. Because I may not hear there response until way further into the week. I thought it felt good that a lot of people wanted to connect with me. But, I don’t have the time to give anyone my time or well thought out responses. This is exhausting. And it takes me away from Blogging something that I enjoy doing.
I shared this information with my lady and she thought it was interesting. Not in a bad way. Or at least she hasn’t really spoken her mind about it. But, like I said hardships refine relationships. We will be gold in no time.
Has anyone tried internet dating? If so, How did your experience go?